If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
