just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
