what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
