I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
