I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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