I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize