Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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