Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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