2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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