it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
