Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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