Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
