I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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