its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
