I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
