I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
