Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
