I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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