those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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