dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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