i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
