Buhtt sex?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You made out with two different species that night
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
