Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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