went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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