he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
