I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I had to cum in my sink.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
