Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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