The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
