So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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