you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
