There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
