He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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