One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
