I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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