I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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