We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize