your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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