She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
