Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
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