Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
