i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
