Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize