I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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