Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
