i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
