my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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