Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i came on her dog
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
