I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
