I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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