i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
