I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
North Korea, Best Korea!
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
