Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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