My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
