Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
