I must be too annoying 4 u.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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