It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
