Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
