so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
