I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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