I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
