so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
