Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize